Freedom in Forfeit / by Margaret Graham
I had an emotional breakdown last week. It wasn’t neatly pencilled into my calendar or written on my to-do list, but it happened, nonetheless.
I was driving around aimlessly, trying to ignore the stressful thoughts which were cluttering my mind. Despite my best efforts to keep it together, I quickly crumbled under the pressure I had wrongly placed on myself. It felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders.
Starting College, finding the balance between work and a social life, forming new relationships and participating in other activities has left me feeling completely burned out, and so tired. My enthusiasm to occupy myself with tasks and embrace life was noticeably starting to have a negative effect on my wellbeing.
I felt the Lord gently ask, “Why are you striving and struggling? Why do you insist on doing this on your own? Don’t you trust me?”
I have to be honest, this hit me like a tonne of bricks. I didn’t want to admit to defeat. I wasn’t ready to acknowledge the fact that I had been living life by my own strength. However, ‘God blesses those who are poor and realise their need for Him, for the kingdom of Heaven is theirs…’ (Matthew 5:3) and I knew I had to humble myself. I had to confront my fear and confess my desire to be in control.
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I whispered, “I can’t do it anymore.” As soon as those words escaped my lips, I immediately let out a deep sigh of relief. At this moment, God’s beautiful mercy and loving kindness were tangible.
Through this, I became uncomfortably aware of my limitations.
I can’t do everything, and neither can you, sister. God never intended for us to do it all on our own. We are stronger together. It is in our weakness that He is made strong.
Are you overcommitted or overwhelmed? Dry your tears, relax your shoulders, loosen your fist and if He says release, let it go. I promise you, there is freedom in forfeit.